The Tale of the Sexy Axel

Once upon a time, in the world of tomorrow, there was a purple trailer. In that trailer lived a viciously violent, sexified pyromaniac named Axel. He lived in that trailer, with only the company of Giovanni the incredibly moody, manically depressed goldfish.
One day, Axel got up, wandered to the fridge, and consumed a placid breakfast of ominous frosted flakes.
He smiled sluggishly at Tony the Tiger, pensively drawing a little top hat on his head and a terse moustache on his face, with his favourite dainty purple magic marker.
SUDDENLY! The fashion police arrived on the scene, in a huge shrivelled pimpmobile. Yes, that same pimpmobile used by Princess Peach in the almighty Mario Kart Double Dash. Out of the pimpmobile hopped Waluigi and Baby Luigi. They raced over to Axel.
"DUDE! That leather body suit of yours is so yesterday! You need an upgrade! Right, Baby Lui?"
Baby Luigi would've answered, had he not been a baby, incapable of forming discreet, intelligent sentences ... just like Katie. 
"NO WAY!" Shouted Axel indignantly, clutching the leather garment to himself possessively. He instinctively growled, glaring at the two. "My leather makes me all sexallicious."
"But you have to at least wear something decent!" Declared Waluigi. Regardless of Axel's volition, he was going to get his wardrobe made-over.
Waluigi scalded Axel with tomato paste, burning his eyes and forcing him to claw at his eyes vehemently in pain.
Waluigi was officially uncompromising, and sucked Axel up into a super-duper, industrial-strength, vacuum bag of doom. He then trapped the vacuum bag (with Axel in it) in one of those inevitable Polly Pocket instant change room closety thingies. Waluigi cackled in triumph as Axel's screams became inaudible to his pointy elf ears.
The ritual was complete, and the door swung open. Axel emerged, clad in only a yellow towel with purple polka dots on it around his waist, and a pair of pink fluffy bunny slippers on his feet. Axel glared at Waluigi.
This sight may have seemed appalling to most, but Waluigi saw Axel in a whole different way now. He looked up at Axel like some form of fierce, red-haired deity, like Yungsung, Reno, Ganondorf, or, most Godly of all, Katie.
"You're ... s-so beautiful ..." Waluigi murmured, mersmerized by his new-found god. Axel was evidently disgraced by this unusual gesture of affection. He grabbed Giovanni's bowl, hiw box of Frosted Flakes, and dispelled some confetti at Waluigi and Baby Luigi, screaming his head off and flailing his arms, racing off into yonder sunset.
The direction Axel was heading was obscure. It seemed impossible to antagonize Axel anymore than he already was. He ceased his flailing and running, and stopped screaming. His eyes widened as the large varmints came into view. There, in his path, was a mob of humongous green rats. They was definately a formidable army of them. As if for some form of compensation, the rats were stumbling around in a supposedly drunken stupor. They were gnawing on turkeys, as if they had been deprived of food for too long.
One of them, namely Fred, seized Axel in his clutches, attempting to chew him to little pieces.
"Do you even have an iota of sense?!" Demanded Axel, with diction of pure temerity.
"YES WE DO!" Shouted Fred, biting off Axel's head in sheer squalid contradiction.
Fred was astounded, in utmost horror as Axel's head grew back, only slightly tussled. His hair was just as red, and he was just as outrageouslt sexified as before.
"I HAVE RETURNED!" He crooned in bland confirmation. Highly disturbed by the prospect of Axel's head growing back like it had, Fred shoved a large wad of Gangsta Bear's 'fro in his mouth, and proceeded to drown himself in a large bathtub of oatmeal.
Once their leader had been vanquished, the rest of the rats spontaneously combusted, spraying purple ketchup all over the world.
Axel gave a tiresome sigh, and plopped down on a block of cheese. After his hirrofying ordeals, he definately deserved some food. He dug inside his right slipper, and pulled out Drew's deoderant, which had been fermenting in Katie's locker since Thursday. He took off the cap and proceeded to consume it.
SUDDENLY! Katie's Dad appeared on the scene!
Axel had been preoccupied while eating Drew's deoderant when Katie's Dad glared at Axel begrudgingly. He gave a mighty war cry and smooshed Axel with a flying, frozen boot. Axel, being a video game character, was out of lives, and got a game over.
"NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO KILL A RAT EXCEPT ME!" Katie's Dad roared. "NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO BE THE MOUSER EXCEPT ME! BECAUSE I AM THE MOUSER NOW!"
Then Katie's Dad started a fire and began to dance around it. Every cool person in the world linked hands and joined in his tribal dance.
In other words, Link, Ganon, the Keifish, Gackt, Reno, Cloud, Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz, Sephiroth, Vincent, Roxas, Sora, Xanmes, Raistlin Majere, that purple-haired guy from Lunar Knights, Katie, Fado, Haru, Gale, Musica, and the salsa guy from Rave Master all danced around the huge fire, chanting tribal songs. In other words, the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song.
--Game Over--